I love this one, as i dont like DC.
This ones good too
"Trulli, trying not to cry, probably"TRULLI AWFUL"The gossip-mongering paddock-pundits are right and all people with eyes and ears are wrong as it was revealed this week that Jarno Trulli is a piss-poor driver. Last season stories abounded that, despite fine qualifying performance, Trulli was really really slow in the races. There were suggestions in prominent magazines that Trulli needed some driving tuition from some guy who used to explain what a racing line was to Nigel Mansell back in the days when Alain Prost was known as a success. F1 magazine's experts explained: 'Trulli's race pace is proportionally a lot slower compared to his qualifying pace than any of the other drivers'.' Experts noted that, since F1 magazine is owned by Bernie Ecclestone, it must be true. In the first race of the season, what looked like a heroic performance from Trulli as he ran second to Coulthard and defended from Schumacher, was actually, journalists pointed out afterwards, a woeful showing. On lap nine Trulli span into the wall after hitting a patch of oil on the track, something that was entirely the driver's fault, according to Maurice Ital from Every Other Sunday magazine: 'Jarno's ragged driving style was responsible for his downfall. His habit of braking extra late into corners means that the bodywork of the car acts as a giant liebig condenser and distills oil out of the air and causes it to condense under the back wheels of his car,' he noted, unconvincingly. Sniff Petrol pointed out that the traction control should have salvaged the situation, but Ital was swift to counter: 'You see Jarno's ragged driving style can cause the traction control software to re-programme itself in medium-speed corners,' he insisted. 'It's rather like putting a magnet on a fridge. No, a cassette tape. Or something. Anyway,' Ital concluded, 'he smells funny and he's got no mates and we hate him. So nurrrrr."tehe
THREE PARTICULARLY ANNOYING THINGS TO COME OUT OF JAMES ALLEN'S MOUTH
1. "The noise echoes off the building like ghosts in a town"
(Monaco '03)
2. "Michael Schumacher owns this place - literally"
(USA 2003)
3. "Yes, I'd love to do the F1 commentary"
THINGS THAT ANNOYINGLY HAVEN'T YET COME OUT OF JAMES ALLEN'S MOUTH
1. His resignation
2. His large intestine
3. His tedious fact spouting girly swot brain
THINGS EVERYONE LOVES ABOUT
JACQUES VILLENEUVE
1. His pleasant accent
2. His rebellious baggy overalls, ooh the bad lad
3. The time he dyed his hair, and how really super it looked
4. The way he got out of car at Indianapolis and ran like a girl
5. His winning form
THINGS COLIN MCCRAE MIGHT DO NEXT SEASON
INSTEAD OF DRIVING A WRC CAR
1. Practise cheeky smile
2. Host Colin's Massive Saturday Night Laugh In on ITV
3. Just mooch about being a bit grumpy
Murray W (Centre) Hangs with his homiesWALKER IN SO SOLID SHOCK!Veteran motor racing commentator Murray Walker has stunned fans with the announcement that he is to join UK garage collective, the So Solid Crew. The South London-based urban music group, whose members include Megaman, Asher D, Skat D, Romeo and Ken, are famed for their ever-increasing numbers but the recruitment of the former 'voice of F1' has shocked even hardened fans.
"He got a good vibe," noted So Solid spokesman Kicking Cuh. "We's gonna spin up some fast talking, occasional error makin' flavas with ma man Murray W."
Walker's first contribution to the always-in-trouble, not-at-all-gun-toting and certainly-not-in-any-way-completely-@#$%&-rubbish collective will be a re-worked version of an existing So Solid tune, over which the legendary commentator will rap "And! I've! Got! Twenty! One! Seconds! To go!"and finally...
Post Edited (12-23-03 01:26)
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