HORROR MOVIE SURVIVAL TIPS
Posted by Vader
1. If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY", do so
immediately.
2. Never take a bath or shower with an MSDC (maniac/spirit/demon/creature) in the house.
3. When it appears that you have killed the MSDC, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it's really dead.
4. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetary, or people in the past have performed necrophilia in your house, move away immediately.
5. If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin spewing
body fluids, it's time to move out.
6. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
7. Don't look under the bed.
8. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
9. If tree's, TV's, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.
10. If relatives or pets come back from the dead, stay as far away from them as posible.
11. If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack you, be prudent and leave the area.
12. If you've hidden from the MSDC and you are not found, do not peek from or leave your hiding place, for you are only further endangering yourself.
13. Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."
14. It is VERY, VERY dangerous to back into or through rooms.
15. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run
NOTE: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate
them, so be prepared.
16. When you have the benefit of numbers, *NEVER* pair off or go it alone!!!
17. Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.
18. If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea to leave the area as soon and as quickly as possible.
19. If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.
20. If you've just finished running over the MSDC inyour car, keep going. Most certainly DO NOT get out of the car to see if he/she/it's really dead.
21. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
22. Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal
nightmares.
23. Never stand in,on,above,below,beside, or near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, etc.
24. Never stand in.on,above,below, beside or near a window, especially
those that appear that they would break easily.
25. Do not lay, sleep, or have sex on bloody mattresses.
26. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY ELSE YOU WILL QUICKLY DIE.
27. If your child starts having sex with crosses, does head spins, or
tends to projectile vomit filth, leave immediately.
28. If appliances start operating by themselves, leave the area immediately.
29. Do not take anything from the dead.
30. If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.
31. If the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurences, leave.
32. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself
still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
33. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason.
Take the hint and stay away.
34. If the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave.
35. If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area.
36. Never pick up a hitchiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus.
37. Don't food with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
38. Make sure that your weapon is loaded before you try to use it.
39. Never have sex in haunted houses, especially with extradimensional
beings.
40. Never put your back to or lean on a door.
41. Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.
42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
43. Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect that they
are supernatural beings.
44. If you're running from the MSDC, expect to trip and/or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion.
45. If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness, marked resemblence to demons, excretion of ectoplasm or other forms of gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far away from them as possible.
46. Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
47. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
48. Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.
49. Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep 'Redrum' in stock.
50. Finally, beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, soldering irons, stun guns, flamethrowers, band saws, crossbows, napalm, grenades, catapults, tactical warheads, high-powered rifles, gophers, food processors, gophers in food processors, lambchops, axes, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, tanks, any weapon resembling Margaret Thatcher, or Alludium q-36 explosive space modulators.
51. If you're going to shoot something, in the immortal words of Robert Ruark - African big game hunter, "USE ENOUGH GUN," or preferably a chain gun.
52. If entering your craft you put your hand in a kind of sticky/slimy/resinous kind of substance that was not there before, turn and run immediately or you will be killed.
53. If you are in the Arctic and find an alien frozen in ice, don't touch it, don't thaw it out, leave it alone. The alien should be incinerated with thermite (or preferably a thermonuclear weapon), otherwise if it thaws out, it will kill you and every living thing on earth.
54. If you are alone in a house and something calls your name, leave the house immediately through whatever exit is in the opposite direction. If there is no exit, make one.
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
immediately.
2. Never take a bath or shower with an MSDC (maniac/spirit/demon/creature) in the house.
3. When it appears that you have killed the MSDC, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it's really dead.
4. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetary, or people in the past have performed necrophilia in your house, move away immediately.
5. If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin spewing
body fluids, it's time to move out.
6. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
7. Don't look under the bed.
8. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
9. If tree's, TV's, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.
10. If relatives or pets come back from the dead, stay as far away from them as posible.
11. If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack you, be prudent and leave the area.
12. If you've hidden from the MSDC and you are not found, do not peek from or leave your hiding place, for you are only further endangering yourself.
13. Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."
14. It is VERY, VERY dangerous to back into or through rooms.
15. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run
NOTE: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate
them, so be prepared.
16. When you have the benefit of numbers, *NEVER* pair off or go it alone!!!
17. Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.
18. If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea to leave the area as soon and as quickly as possible.
19. If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.
20. If you've just finished running over the MSDC inyour car, keep going. Most certainly DO NOT get out of the car to see if he/she/it's really dead.
21. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
22. Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal
nightmares.
23. Never stand in,on,above,below,beside, or near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, etc.
24. Never stand in.on,above,below, beside or near a window, especially
those that appear that they would break easily.
25. Do not lay, sleep, or have sex on bloody mattresses.
26. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY ELSE YOU WILL QUICKLY DIE.
27. If your child starts having sex with crosses, does head spins, or
tends to projectile vomit filth, leave immediately.
28. If appliances start operating by themselves, leave the area immediately.
29. Do not take anything from the dead.
30. If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.
31. If the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurences, leave.
32. If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself
still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.
33. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason.
Take the hint and stay away.
34. If the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave.
35. If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area.
36. Never pick up a hitchiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus.
37. Don't food with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
38. Make sure that your weapon is loaded before you try to use it.
39. Never have sex in haunted houses, especially with extradimensional
beings.
40. Never put your back to or lean on a door.
41. Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.
42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
43. Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect that they
are supernatural beings.
44. If you're running from the MSDC, expect to trip and/or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion.
45. If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness, marked resemblence to demons, excretion of ectoplasm or other forms of gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far away from them as possible.
46. Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
47. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
48. Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.
49. Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep 'Redrum' in stock.
50. Finally, beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, soldering irons, stun guns, flamethrowers, band saws, crossbows, napalm, grenades, catapults, tactical warheads, high-powered rifles, gophers, food processors, gophers in food processors, lambchops, axes, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, tanks, any weapon resembling Margaret Thatcher, or Alludium q-36 explosive space modulators.
51. If you're going to shoot something, in the immortal words of Robert Ruark - African big game hunter, "USE ENOUGH GUN," or preferably a chain gun.
52. If entering your craft you put your hand in a kind of sticky/slimy/resinous kind of substance that was not there before, turn and run immediately or you will be killed.
53. If you are in the Arctic and find an alien frozen in ice, don't touch it, don't thaw it out, leave it alone. The alien should be incinerated with thermite (or preferably a thermonuclear weapon), otherwise if it thaws out, it will kill you and every living thing on earth.
54. If you are alone in a house and something calls your name, leave the house immediately through whatever exit is in the opposite direction. If there is no exit, make one.
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
55. Never say "I'll be right back" 
(yes i know, i got that from scream)
(yes i know, i got that from scream)Vader Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 17. Never get into a car without first checking
> the back seat for occupants.
Urban Legends perhaps, remember watching that for Media a few years back
> 21. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that
> open portals to Hell.
Awesome
Races: 163 - Wins: 23 - Pole Positions: 24 - Fastest Laps: 22
Season 9: Constructors' Champions
-------------------------------------------------------
> 17. Never get into a car without first checking
> the back seat for occupants.
Urban Legends perhaps, remember watching that for Media a few years back
> 21. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that
> open portals to Hell.
Awesome
Races: 163 - Wins: 23 - Pole Positions: 24 - Fastest Laps: 22
Season 9: Constructors' Champions
Ferrari2007 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Vader Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> > 21. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that
> > open portals to Hell.
>
> Awesome
The first two HELLRAISER movies are amongst my all time movie favs.
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
-------------------------------------------------------
> Vader Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> > 21. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that
> > open portals to Hell.
>
> Awesome
The first two HELLRAISER movies are amongst my all time movie favs.
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
25. Do not lay, sleep, or have sex on bloody mattresses.
I wouldn't even say that's just a survival tip for in horror movies. :S
26. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY ELSE YOU WILL QUICKLY DIE.
ROFL!
42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
The randomness in some of these is just epic. :D
I wouldn't even say that's just a survival tip for in horror movies. :S
26. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY ELSE YOU WILL QUICKLY DIE.
ROFL!
42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
The randomness in some of these is just epic. :D
56. Never shout out "Beetlejuice" more than twice in a row.
26. If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY ELSE YOU WILL QUICKLY DIE.
47. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
ROFL at those two, particulary the last bit of the second one.
I'd like to add a general movie rule, taken verbatim from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:
"When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk."
that it's just the cat, LEAVE THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY ELSE YOU WILL QUICKLY DIE.
47. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
ROFL at those two, particulary the last bit of the second one.
I'd like to add a general movie rule, taken verbatim from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:
"When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk."
The Lopper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'd like to add a general movie rule, taken
> verbatim from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:
>
> "When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk."
Essential.
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'd like to add a general movie rule, taken
> verbatim from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:
>
> "When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk."
Essential.
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
55. If you're female, teenager, babysitter, American and blond/stupid, relax. You'll die anyway.
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
EC83 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> 42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
>
> The randomness in some of these is just epic. :D
I take it you haven't seen IT?
"they all float down here!!!"
ahhhhh creepy as f**k of a movie, although i saw it when i was about 10 so i dunno if it'd be as good as i remember
-------------------------------------------------------
> 42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
>
> The randomness in some of these is just epic. :D
I take it you haven't seen IT?
"they all float down here!!!"
ahhhhh creepy as f**k of a movie, although i saw it when i was about 10 so i dunno if it'd be as good as i remember
MikaHalpinen schreef:
-------------------------------------------------------
> EC83 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > 42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
> >
> > The randomness in some of these is just epic.
> :D
>
>
> I take it you haven't seen IT?
>
> "they all float down here!!!"
>
>
> ahhhhh creepy as f**k of a movie, although i saw
> it when i was about 10 so i dunno if it'd be as
> good as i remember
It is still creepy, saw it while ago again after seeing it as a kid. Only thing, it really is too long, which makes it less exciting.
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
-------------------------------------------------------
> EC83 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
>
> > 42. Never speak to clowns in sewers.
> >
> > The randomness in some of these is just epic.
> :D
>
>
> I take it you haven't seen IT?
>
> "they all float down here!!!"
>
>
> ahhhhh creepy as f**k of a movie, although i saw
> it when i was about 10 so i dunno if it'd be as
> good as i remember
It is still creepy, saw it while ago again after seeing it as a kid. Only thing, it really is too long, which makes it less exciting.
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
MikaHalpinen schreef:
-------------------------------------------------------
> honest to god sapo (is it sah-poe or say-poe or
> sap-po?) we're like brothers. Maximum respect
>
> *chest bump*
It's sah-poe (I think, phonetic in another language is difficult.)
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
-------------------------------------------------------
> honest to god sapo (is it sah-poe or say-poe or
> sap-po?) we're like brothers. Maximum respect
>
> *chest bump*
It's sah-poe (I think, phonetic in another language is difficult.)
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
Guimengo schreef:
-------------------------------------------------------
> sah-poe is fine, even just sah-po
What the **** do you know about that?! It's my bloody nick isn't it?
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
-------------------------------------------------------
> sah-poe is fine, even just sah-po
What the **** do you know about that?! It's my bloody nick isn't it?
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
Guimengo schreef:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm just that good with languages :P
And very modest :P
Then again, it's not yours to decide how people may pronounce my nick is it?
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm just that good with languages :P
And very modest :P
Then again, it's not yours to decide how people may pronounce my nick is it?
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
Vader will tell you how to pronounce it.
The Lopper schreef:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Vader will tell you how to pronounce it.
And he might fail aswell, as German people can't pronounce Dutch. Fortunately "Sapo" is a very international word.
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
-------------------------------------------------------
> Vader will tell you how to pronounce it.
And he might fail aswell, as German people can't pronounce Dutch. Fortunately "Sapo" is a very international word.
________________________________________
Some say... he's even smaller than 20kb.
And some say... he's so offensive he could get you into trouble...
The only thing we know is that he's called...
THE SIG
Felipe Massa, World Champion 15:34:11pm- 15:34:21pm.
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