The Differences Between Men & Women (Nothing Anatomical)

Forgive some of the jokes for being a bit American :P


by Matt Groening


CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days.
A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul, and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old American sitcoms.

SEX:
Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.
Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

EATING OUT:
When the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob, and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though the total is only $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

RICHARD GERE:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.
Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

MADONNA:
Same as above, but reversed.

TOYS:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

LOCKER ROOMS:
In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women talk about one thing in the locker: sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

JEWELRY:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry.
A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Ramone.

TIME:
When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.

FRIENDS:
Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time.
Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "Got anymore beer?"

RESTROOMS:
Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons.
Women use restrooms as social lounges.
Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other.
Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends.
And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

lmao

last one is the best

rofl :d

Sim

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All Hail The New York Giants - Winners of Superbowl XXI, XXV and XLII!

"I'd love to know what goes on in that crazy head of yours sometimes, Sim..." - Locke Cole

stupid woman, we, men are teh superior!!! :D

men are teh superior

As is your grammar....

j/k



RedSam
Winner: Not the Nickv Comment of the Year 2009
Due to the voting system in Germany, Governments are always made up of coalitions of different parties. At the last election, an almost unprecidented result saw the CDU/CSU (rough equivilant of the Conservatives) go into Government with the SPD (rough equivilant of Labour)

Rofl! Great post!

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Did your birth certificate come with an apology letter from Durex?

stupid woman, we, men are teh superior!!! :D

What an extraordinarily sloppy sentence. :P

I change my clothes on a daily basis - sometimes even twice a day. Do I need to worry?

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REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

Twice a Day? Thats sick. I don't change my clothes, they just crawl off me. :P

if they dont stick to the ceiling they aint dirty

Sim

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All Hail The New York Giants - Winners of Superbowl XXI, XXV and XLII!

"I'd love to know what goes on in that crazy head of yours sometimes, Sim..." - Locke Cole

^

Couldn't of said it better meself.

lol!