Scottish Lonely Hearts

Scottish Lonely Hearts - True Story

(seen on godlikeproductions.com)

Allegedly real adverts in a lonely hearts column from some newspaper or something in Scotland. I have my doubts regarding it's authenticity.
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Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion.
Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08

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Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box06/03

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Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps[fights] on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.

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Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by long time fiancée
seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced b*tches. Box 53/41

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Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Box 84/87

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Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32

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Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required.
No time wasters. Box 23/45

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Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27

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Devil-worshipper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.
Box 52/07

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Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please!
Box 30/41

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Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8pm and 11.30pm
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Hilarious, Scottish people, telling it like it is since time immemorial.

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[www.mediafire.com] Some say you should click it, you know you want to. [www.gp4central.com] <----GP4 Central

mortal Wrote:
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> Devil-worshipper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded
> lady for wining and dining, good conversation,
> dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in
> cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a
> pale moon.
> Box 52/07


DELLIS!

hahahaha might be

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[www.mediafire.com] Some say you should click it, you know you want to. [www.gp4central.com] <----GP4 Central

I'm not near Stirling btw :P

Oh, and these are older than the Earth itself. Some of them are hilarious, but unfortunately, all are fake.

Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box06/03

They have a reputation for sheep f**king up there.

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I suspected it was fake. Funny though.

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[www.mediafire.com] Some say you should click it, you know you want to. [www.gp4central.com] <----GP4 Central

DaveEllis Wrote:
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> I'm not near Stirling btw :P

You're not that far away. :P

And yeah. Even as non-skirt wearer I can tell these are fake. Proven by the fact that all the Scottish poets are dead.

In an awesome co-incidence, todays Scottish Sun (epic journalism btw) actually posted a couple of these in a small article about Scots on dating pages :-\

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2008 12:37PM by DaveEllis.