Just read something funny on another forum (in German). It is a bit explicit, but since it's already after the watersheds, I thought I might translate it for you:
Foreplay:
As soon as you have dragged the woman of your heart into your appartment, begin with the foreplay. If you don't play an instrument yourself, simply put on a record, put your member into her vagina and whooping shoot your semen into her.
Oralsex:
Orals sex means screwing with the mouth. We differentiate between cunnilingus and fellatio, depending on who's dying for a pee.
Cunnilingus:
Have you ever seen an anteater attacking a colony of termites?? Exactly like that.
Fellatio:
Take the urethra of your partner into your mouth as deep as possible and try to say "consulate general".
The Orgasm:
A rather deplorable consequence of intercourse. Undignified neuromuscular behaviour that you normally only seen with hip-hopers, techno freaks or at dance therapies. Best try to avoid it, or - if it has to be - take a casual attitude. Callousness and body control are essential these days.
Aftermath:
After the exchange of body fluids has taken place, men are often cuddly and in need of tenderness. Women, however, are rather coarse and abrasive. Bite the bullet and be tender to your man! Blow into his ear, make farting noises with your lips on his nipples, pinch his testicles or put a finger up his rectum - he needs it now.
Women, however, appreciate it if you ask them what time it is right after screwing her.
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS