Top 100 signs that you have Alzheimer

... err ... what was it?

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REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

Top 100 signs that you have a drinking problem...

1 You lose arguments with inanimate objects - THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL!!
2 You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
3 Job interferring with your drinking.
4 Your docter finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream
- one beer in hand is one less than two in the bush
5 Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
6 The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7 Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
9 Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10 "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
11 When you can focus better with one eye closed
12 the parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
13 Every woman you see has an exact twin.
14 You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
- It's enough to drive you to drink
15 If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?"
but you don't really have a wife. She's really your couch.
Plus you have nothing but beer
16 You fall off the floor...
17 Dicover in morning liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously
disappeared
18 Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
19 Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
20 Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
21 Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore. - There's a sandwich
in every beer
22 The glass keeps missing your mouth!
23 Bill Clinton starts to make sense
24 When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??
25 Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
26 only drinking problem's not having a drink right now
27 At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
28 Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer
29 When vomiting becomes a relief
30 Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble fall
31 You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom,
you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
32 The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
33 You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol,
and [Women]. - A redneck concerned about his diet
34 Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more
attractive. - K.B.
35 Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
36 waking up with a traffic cone between your legs -
37 I'm not drunk... you're just sober... - HI OCIFER!!!!!!!!!
38 Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No Problem
39 If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for
alcohol calories - realist
40 Even Johnny stops doing jokes about your drinking.
41 The bourbon bottle's empty...that's the problem! - Hey...let's go
get some more!
42 Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
43 When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own barstool -

44 Roseanne looks good.
45 Don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass
46 You LIKE to watch Barney because you're so drunk already!
47 That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
48 You find yourself actually enjoying the food at that all night
greasy spoon!!!!
49 The Whisky Ainpit Working Anymoer
50 Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you
51 you have a Reserved Parking space at the ABC store
52 I'm as jober as a sudge - a judge
53 You consider yourself a workaholic, becuase every time you go to work,
you want to have a beer!
54 I slept with that damned pink elephant again.
55 Duff is your favorite beer
56 so many straws, so few brain cells, and last call's at 1:00 am
57 You find yourself in a roomette on a train arriving in Vancouver...and
the last thing you remember is being in a bar in Halifax!
58 When you perform sexual favors on more than one person in a night.
59 You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the
Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki
60 red dog upside down looks like batman eating a catwoman
61 You've fallen and you can't get up
62 You don't drink. (That's a problem!)
63 when hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle - please pass
he ice pack....
64 BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
65 Boris Yeltsin tries to get you to join AA!
66 The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.
67 salivate when you meet a guy named 'AL'
68 You wake up too late and too groggy to come up with anything funny.
69 Keep cat in freezer to be 'large ice cube' for BIG drinks
70 You keep making lists of things. - And voting on them.
71 Double vision so much the norm, can't function w/o it.
72 when your listening to the radio and actually think the spin doctors,
hootie and the blowfish, smashing pumpkins, and blind melon sound good
73 Because you're not as drunk as I think I am...
74 you join DARE to rid the world of the *other* drugs
75 Your favorite drink is Everclear and ethanol
76 You spill water on yourself and you don't have a dribble glass?
77 You can't remember what your family looks like...
78 arga dafl bange
79 Your list entry signature denotes Satanic practices.
80 You get defensive when someone asks if you have drinking problem
81 Your nick-name is Barny. - Or Homer...
82 your name is Ted Kennedy.
83 Haven't stopped drinking since carter got elected.
84 You wake up surrounded by 50 cases of SPAM.
85 RSI in elbow from drinking
86 Why does everybody think I have a drinking problem?! -
I don't have a drinking problem!
87 salt, sugar, grease, carbohydrates, .. - and yes, alcohol is the fifth
food group
88 If you wake up and you need a drink, you just might have a problem
89 Your only friends are Jack, Johnnie, and Jose.
90 You don't have time to come up with amusing List topics.
91 You realize you have shaved your head except for a little rat tail
hanging from the top and you're pestering people to buy incense &
crap
92 You got married!
93 Your name is Ed McMahon
94 You say to the barman "take me pished, I'mm home again."
95 Foster Brooks appears sober to you!
96 Frequent trips to water the shrubbery, if you're camping.
97 I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. Pash me another drink,
bartender - whatshishfashe
98 you feel drunk - in school-free alcohol zone.
99 No ocifer, there ain't no blood in my alcohol!!
100 Take me drunk, I'm home!!

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REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

lol, he's off again



Sim

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All Hail The New York Giants - Winners of Superbowl XXI, XXV and XLII!

"I'd love to know what goes on in that crazy head of yours sometimes, Sim..." - Locke Cole

100 signs for GameBoy adiction

100. There are currently more than three Gameboys hiding in your room.
99. You have reported people who use emulators to the police.
98. You can name all 151 Pokemon Creatures....
97. Alphabetically.
96. You can name all 103 enemies, traps, and boss creatures in Legend
of Zelda: "Link's Awakening".
95. You knew that there 103 different enemies, traps, and boss
creatures in Legend of Zelda: "Link's Awakening".
94. You bought a Game.com just so that you could point and laugh at it.
93. You own four copies of Faceball 2000, Yoshi's Cookie, Super R.C.
Pro Am, and/or F-1 Race.
92. You paid a theatre manager to let you see "Titanic" in Black and
White.
91. You printed out multiple copies of Nintendo's "Color Gameboy Press
Release" and pray to it every night.
90. You imported a "Gameboy Lite".
89. You have the complete collection of "Gameboy" comics from Valiant.
88. You get all bleary eyed when you hear someone say "Power in the
palm of your hand."
87. You crack up laughing when you hear someone say "Power in the
palm of your hand."
86. You have this website bookmarked more than three times.
85. You own a Workboy attachment for your Gameboy.
84. You bought a Super Nintendo ONLY for the Super Gameboy.
83. You own the Gold 100th Issue Nintendo Power Special Edition Gameboy Pocket. (Lucky stiff.)
82. You have gotten into a fist fight over whether Wario Land 2 is
better than Legend of Zelda: "Link's Awakening".
81. You can name all the character classes from all three Final
Fantasy Legend games. (That's well over 200 classes.)
80. You only bought Secret of Mana because it was the sequel to Final
Fantasy Adventure.
79. You imported a Super Famicom and a Super Gameboy 2.
78. You own all seven versions of Link's Awakening.
77. You knew that there were seven different versions of Link's
Awakening.
76. You can name all seven versions. (English, German, Japanese,
French, American Debugged version, American Rerelease, and Spanish.)
77. You own a Gameboy Pocket in all 17 colors.
78. You can name all 17 colors.
77. You own all 151 of the little rubber Pokemon figurines.
76. You want Pokemon more than Legend of Zelda 5.
75. Even though you can't read them; you own all five Pokemon
cartridges.
74. Your highschool yearbook picture was taken with the Gameboy
Camera.
73. You are currently trying to figure out a way to raise the dead.
72. You get in a car accident and you're scared to get out of the car.
71. You see someone playing a Game Gear and you mock them.
70. You think that the 64DD is a Gameboy add-on.
69. Your thumbs twitch all the time.
68. You have written nasty letters to Eidos for not making a Tomb
Raider game for Gameboy.
67. Square threatens to sue you if you bug them about Final Fantasy
Legend 4.
66. You are willing to pay Nintendo to bring Dragon Quest Lite over
to the States.
65. You think that Game Genie and Pro Action Replay are gifts from God.
64. You think that Game Genie and Pro Action Replay are sons of Satan.
63. You have beaten all five of the Gameboy Mega Man games.
62. You can't decide which ending is worse: Final Fantasy Legend 1 or
Donkey Kong Land.
61. You can beat the Gameboy Killer Instinct on very hard.
60. You girlfriend/boyfriend says they want some action and you hand
them a copy of Operation C.
59. When there are four of something you call them a "Tetris".
(Example: "The Petersons have a Tetris of kids."
58. You have a fear of bricks.
57. You made a detailed map of Planet SR388.
56. You donated a Gameboy to the Salvation Army.
55. You can recite the "Link's Awakening Rap" perfectly.
54. You noticed one day that Wario looks disturbingly similar to
Snidely Whiplash.
53. You noticed one day that Wario looks disturbingly similar to Dr.
Wiley.
52. You noticed one day that Wario looks disturbingly similar to
anyone.
51. You're completely convinced that Fortified Zone is somehow part
of the Metal Gear Series.
50. You liked Final Fantasy Legend 2 better than Final Fantasy 6.
49. You make a stack of your Gameboy games and it's over a foot high.
48. Without the plastic cases.
47. You have an Ice Blue Gameboy tattooed to your butt.
46. You truly believe that Operation C takes place after Contra 3:
The Alien Wars.
45. You dream of Sonia Belmont.
44. You dream of Samus Aran.
43. You truly wish from the bottom of your soul that Gameboy was
completely water-proof.
42. You bought a computer with internet capability solely for
downloading Gameboy Roms.
41. Kid Icarus: "Of Myths and Monsters" brings tears of joy to your
life.
40. You registered your copy of Virtual Gameboy, or GB97.
39. You know that the NoCa$h emulator sucks.
38. Blood Lust Software has asked you to stop harrasing them about a
Gameboy emulator.
37. You're still angry at me for not posting roms.
36. You own at least three "unlicensed" games.
35. You devised a way to play your old NES games on Gameboy.
34. You want a rumble pack-type accessory for Gameboy.
35. You've programmed your own Gameboy games.
34. You've proposed to someone useing your specially programmed
Gameboy game.
33. He/she said "No".
32. He/she said "Yes".
31. You believe that the world is frozen.
30. You started an animal rights group to "Save the Goombas!"
29. You introduce yourself as Theo from Riccar.
28. You have a Quake/Quake 2 clan that looks like King Dedede.
27. You believe that Tatanga is the greatest villian ever made.
26. You name your daughter "Marin".
25. You jumped into the Missouri river on hopes of entering the
"Catfish's Maw".
24. Chickens everywhere know your name.
23. The lack of a Gameboy platform game starring Yoshi has made you
cry yourself to sleep on many occasions.
22. You have developed a new respect for Owls.
21. You firmly believe that the best things in life are tiny.
20. You constantly hear the "Chill" theme from Dr. Mario in the back
of your mind.
19. The only reason you're reading this is to take notes.
18. You can relate to this list.
17. You've argued to your parents that playing "Tetris" is
educational.
16. You now have ZERO libido.
15. You still have the box your old Gameboy came in.
14. You believe that Mint Leaves make you fly.
13. You tried to ride on top of your hamster.
12. You named your gold fish Manbo. (Or Kine.)
11. You own the "Barcode Battler Gameboy Pack."
10. You started a petition to Nintendo to release Gameboy music on CD.
9. You find it hard to believe that Gameboy only has an 8-bit CPU.
8. You disconnected the Battery Light in your Gameboy to make the
batteries last longer.
7. You bought two Gameboy Pockets and combined the caseings to make
them two toned.
6. You flunked Advanced History 101 because of Wario Land 2.
5. You can make a list like this.
4. You think that the cat at the beginning of Final Fantasy Adventure
looks like Garfield.
3. Someone asks you if you'll buy a color Gameboy and you reply: "You
mean that Gameboy was Black and White all this time?"
2. Your vision is now 13/560.
1. You ask someone: "What's N64?"

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REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

Signs that you may be Canadian

(no offence meant )

You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK"

You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette." I just spilled my poutine.

You eat chocolate bars not candy bars.

You drink POP not SODA

You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "party at the camp eh!!!"

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba, its a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.

Pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway

You drive on a highway, not a freeway

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers

You know that Casey and Finnigan are not part of a Celtic Musical Group.

You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

You know what a tuque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You live in a house with no front step but yet the door is one meter from the ground.

Your local paper covers the national news on 2 pages but requires 6 pages for hockey.

You know four seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and construction.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You perk up when you hear the theme from Hockey Night in Canada.

You are in grade 12 not the 12th grade.

"EH" is a very important part of your vocabulary.

You actually get these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!!!!

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.

You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

You've plugged a car in overnight.

You've defended your property from trespassers with a hockey stick because you don't own a gun.

You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

The mosquitoes have landing lights.

You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.

Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.

You head south to go to your cottage.

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.

You find -40C a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorrels.

You can play road hockey on skates.

You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.

You know what it means to be on pogey.

You can drink legally while still a 'teen.

You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.

You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't want to know if he has!

You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".

You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".

You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".

You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

You participated in "Participaction".

You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".

You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.

Like any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you carry a Canadian passport.

You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.

You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.

You have some memento of Doug and Bob.

You never miss "Coaches Corner".

Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.

You don't feel the urge to purchase maple syrup at the airport.

When in Niagara Falls, you scoff at how pathetic the American falls are compared to the Canadian ones.

You're not easily impressed by British accents.

You're easily impressed by British accents.

You assume the channel you're watching the Super Bowl on probably isn't showing the really good commercials.

You won a copy of the Bob and Doug record on CD, but refuse to admit to anyone that you've ever said "eh" in your life.

You fly into a rage in a Los Angeles 7-Eleven because they don't sell Crispy Crunch.

You would feel safe leaving your children alone with a grown man in a leotard playing a flute to a chicken.

You need a list like this to explain to you what it means to be Canadian

Thinks an income tax refund is a gift from the government.

On seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, assumes it is a train.

When given a compliment, always looks behind to see for whom it is intended.

Knows the difference between the Northern Lights and a Northern Lite.

Doesn't know anyone who owns a flag.

Finds Kentucky Fried Chicken "a bit too spicy".

Holds the world's record for telephone use, probably listening to "Don't hang up. Your call is important to us."

Is constantly pulling himself up by the roots to see whether he is still growing.

Will drive to an unemployment protest meeting in his Toyota.

Is convinced that democracy involves keeping your opinions to yourself.

In a restaurant, apologizes for not being ready to order at the waiter's convenience.

Will travel across the border to buy cigarettes and return home for subsidized cancer therapy.

Says "sorry" when you accidentally bump into him.

Waits for the light to change before crossing a deserted intersection at 3 a.m.

Takes as a signal for a standing ovation any two people who happen to be leaving during curtain calls.

Believes the Free Trade Agreement is an agreement about free trade.

Says "no big deal" to a sidewalk cyclist who's just knocked him down.

Considers turning up the thermostat an integral part of foreplay.

Says "no thanks" to a telemarketing tape.

Never sits in someone else's seat, even if the ticket holder doesn't show.

Says hi to anyone walking a dog.

Goes to hot-tub parties where people wear bathing suits.

Finds himself thinking about sending off to "Hinterland: Who's Who" for further information on the loon.

Carries travelers checks in a money belt.

Heartily proclaims, "Sure it's 38 below, but it's a dry cold."

When he musters enough courage to buy a Rolex watch, wears it hidden under a long-sleeve shirt and an Eaton's suit.

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REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS

LOL

Here we go again...