Why did the Chicken cross the road?
Posted by Vader
Q: Why did the Chicken cross the road?
A: Anderson Consultant:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
***
Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.
The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Frank and left him in a heap on the living room floor.
The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded. "Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."
***
A man was out hunting. He just happened to be hunting bears. As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill. Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.
The bear roared fiercely. The man was so scared that he lost his balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind. As he tumbled down the hill, the man lost his gun. When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found that he had a broken leg. Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never been particularly religious (in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning), prayed, "God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life."
The bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks... looked up to the heavens quizzically... and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, "O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake."
***
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said."Take off my dress." He did this carefully."Jerves," she continued." Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
***
Post Edited (01-27-03 19:51)
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
A: Anderson Consultant:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
***
Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.
The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Frank and left him in a heap on the living room floor.
The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded. "Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."
***
A man was out hunting. He just happened to be hunting bears. As he trudged through the forest looking for the beasts, he came upon a large and steep hill. Thinking that perhaps there would be bear on the other side of the hill, he climbed up the steep incline and, just as he was pulling himself up over the last outcropping of rocks, a huge bear met him nose to nose.
The bear roared fiercely. The man was so scared that he lost his balance and fell down the hill with the bear not far behind. As he tumbled down the hill, the man lost his gun. When he finally stopped at the bottom, he found that he had a broken leg. Escape was impossible and so the man, who had never been particularly religious (in fact this just happened to be a Sunday morning), prayed, "God, if you will make this bear a Christian I will be happy with whatever lot you give me for the rest of my life."
The bear was no more than three feet away from the man when it stopped dead in its tracks... looked up to the heavens quizzically... and then fell to its knees and prayed in a loud voice, "O Lord, bless this food of which I am about to partake."
***
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said."Take off my dress." He did this carefully."Jerves," she continued." Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
***
Post Edited (01-27-03 19:51)
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
sounds like Ron speak to me 
LS's Tip of the week
ESSENTIAL OILS aren't essential unless you're an engine, a gearbox or a twat
LS's Tip of the week
ESSENTIAL OILS aren't essential unless you're an engine, a gearbox or a twat
Haha
HISTORIC BTCC VIDEOS
HISTORIC BTCC VIDEOS
sounds like Ron speak to me
Hehe, I used to have a saved email where they asked a load of drivers why the chicken crossed the road, but I lose it when my hard disk went belly up
Hehe, I used to have a saved email where they asked a load of drivers why the chicken crossed the road, but I lose it when my hard disk went belly up
Why not George Michael?
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
LOL @ the last two posts
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Why only @ the last two posts?
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
Becasue i do not have time to read the first one at the moment
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
excuses, excuses
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
yes, they are good arent they?
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
god, and i thot u werent going to annoy ppl. Your arrogence shows otherwise
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Found me F1 - Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road 
So, in the press conference, the drivers were asked: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Mika Hakkinen:
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" (pause)
"that's a tough question" (pause)
"maybe" (even longer pause)
"maybe it's a question you have to ask the chicken".
David Coulthard:
"I was really surprised when the chicken swerved right in front of me and crossed the road. I was expecting it to walk straight along the pavement, but it just cut right across in front of me. I think we'll need a ruling from the FIA if chickens are allowed to do this. I think the chicken is putting other poultry in danger."
Michael Schumacher
"The chicken is allowed to move over, that is clearly within the rules. The chicken can make one move to defend his line. But it can't zig-zag backwards and forwards across the road or flap it's feathers in a dangerous manner. What it did was quite fair and within the rules."
Luca Montezemolo
"The chicken knew that it couldn't get to the other side of the road first, it had to wait for the rooster and let it through. I would also like to point out that all Ferrari drumsticks have been approved by the FIA. We allow all our chickens to cross the road whenever they choose - provided our no. 1 chicken is allowed to cross first."
Ron Dennis
"The objective of the poultry individual in this situation is to work towards the ultimate goal of a road crossing. We're comfortable that it can be achieved using only bi-ped motional forces. We would refuse to compromise until a safe chicken arrival scenario had been successfully achieved."
Alain Prost
"For sure the chicken crossed the road. But for me it was not as interesting as chickens crossing the road 10 years ago."
Rubens Barrichello
"I'd like to dedicate the achievement of the chicken crossing the road to my great friend Ayrton Senna."
Max Mosley
"We have to find ways of slowing that chicken down and making them safer. For that reason the FIA are changing the rules so that chickens crossing roads will be equipped with special chicken bodywork and neck braces, with grooved claws and beaks to be introduced in 2002"
Jacques Villeneuve
"So what the f*** if the chicken gets run over. The chicken wanted to cross the road. The bird knew the risks."
James Allen
"Hey guys, you're not going to believe this, but the chicken's on a different strategy to the turkeys."
Murray Walker and Martin Brundle
Murray: "And as the lights go out, it's GO GO GO for the duck as it dives towards..."
Martin: "It's a chicken, Murray."
Murray: "Yes, yes, it's a chicken, charging into the lead. I think it's got this race sewn up."
Martin: "The chicken's stopped, Murray."
Murray: "DISASTER for the chicken! This will throw the whole badger crossing championship wide open!"
So, in the press conference, the drivers were asked: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Mika Hakkinen:
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" (pause)
"that's a tough question" (pause)
"maybe" (even longer pause)
"maybe it's a question you have to ask the chicken".
David Coulthard:
"I was really surprised when the chicken swerved right in front of me and crossed the road. I was expecting it to walk straight along the pavement, but it just cut right across in front of me. I think we'll need a ruling from the FIA if chickens are allowed to do this. I think the chicken is putting other poultry in danger."
Michael Schumacher
"The chicken is allowed to move over, that is clearly within the rules. The chicken can make one move to defend his line. But it can't zig-zag backwards and forwards across the road or flap it's feathers in a dangerous manner. What it did was quite fair and within the rules."
Luca Montezemolo
"The chicken knew that it couldn't get to the other side of the road first, it had to wait for the rooster and let it through. I would also like to point out that all Ferrari drumsticks have been approved by the FIA. We allow all our chickens to cross the road whenever they choose - provided our no. 1 chicken is allowed to cross first."
Ron Dennis
"The objective of the poultry individual in this situation is to work towards the ultimate goal of a road crossing. We're comfortable that it can be achieved using only bi-ped motional forces. We would refuse to compromise until a safe chicken arrival scenario had been successfully achieved."
Alain Prost
"For sure the chicken crossed the road. But for me it was not as interesting as chickens crossing the road 10 years ago."
Rubens Barrichello
"I'd like to dedicate the achievement of the chicken crossing the road to my great friend Ayrton Senna."
Max Mosley
"We have to find ways of slowing that chicken down and making them safer. For that reason the FIA are changing the rules so that chickens crossing roads will be equipped with special chicken bodywork and neck braces, with grooved claws and beaks to be introduced in 2002"
Jacques Villeneuve
"So what the f*** if the chicken gets run over. The chicken wanted to cross the road. The bird knew the risks."
James Allen
"Hey guys, you're not going to believe this, but the chicken's on a different strategy to the turkeys."
Murray Walker and Martin Brundle
Murray: "And as the lights go out, it's GO GO GO for the duck as it dives towards..."
Martin: "It's a chicken, Murray."
Murray: "Yes, yes, it's a chicken, charging into the lead. I think it's got this race sewn up."
Martin: "The chicken's stopped, Murray."
Murray: "DISASTER for the chicken! This will throw the whole badger crossing championship wide open!"
rofl!
Sim
All Hail The New York Giants - Winners of Superbowl XXI, XXV and XLII!
"I'd love to know what goes on in that crazy head of yours sometimes, Sim..." - Locke Cole
Sim
All Hail The New York Giants - Winners of Superbowl XXI, XXV and XLII!
"I'd love to know what goes on in that crazy head of yours sometimes, Sim..." - Locke Cole
The Ron Dennis one is the best of course
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Racing Is Life. Anything that happens before or after is just waiting
Jesus may be able to heal the sick and bring the dead back to life, but he can't do shît for low fps
Yeah, like Bart said "dorkess maximus"
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