Yeah, we all have our own way of dealing with difficult emotions, there's no wrong way. I definitely identify with the feeling of numbness, I get that too before the raw emotion comes out.
Tom Pryce's accident was definitely horrendous. It wasn't included in this documentary - it abruptly tails off after Roger Williamson's accident and the only thing before the end credits is a caption mentioning that in 1976 a season finally passed without fatality - but I am familiar with the video of it that shows the marshal being thrown up in the air. I saw it as long ago as 2003, and it left a lasting impression. I remember one mate of mine who also a huge F1 fan, but only relatively contemporary F1 as he didn't know much about the historic side of the sport. He saw the video too - it was actually him who saw it first - and apart from Senna's crash, it was the first fatal F1 accident footage he'd seen at that point. He was visibly shocked that F1 had been so graphic at times in the past - "gory" was the word he used. I wasn't shocked as such, as I'd read up extensively about F1 in the 60s and 70s for years before that, including that accident, so had an idea what to expect - but it was still horrible to see it. What I really disliked, apart from the visual part, was that a comedic-sounding "thud" had been edited in at the moment of impact. That was uncalled for. The music on it sounded creepy too, IIRC.
With Jules' accident, I sensed a strange and eerie combination of circumstances building long before the race - even when there was talk of the race being moved to a different time because of the typhoon, it felt a bit strange, but I put that down to me being over-sensitive and silly. By Saturday, when it was confirmed the helicopter wouldn't be able to fly in the event of an accident, it definitely felt strange - I distinctly remember watching Ted's Notebook after quali as he was explaining the situation and feeling a tension I never normally feel during a race weekend. It might have been pure coincidence, but I felt like it had overtones of past eras about it. I remember just hoping the race could pass without incident, above all else.
It was a new situation for me as an F1 fan, because Jules' was the first fatal accident I'd witnessed where I was old enough to really know what was going on. I did watch Imola 1994 live, but it was as a 10 year old kid. I was devastated and upset, but my mind couldn't process the emotions. This was the first one where I was able to understand and process the emotions with a fully developed adult mind. It was complicated by not losing him(physically at least) for another 9 months, which made the situation feel less black and white, and I'll admit that because as a fan I wanted him to pull through, while he was still alive I didn't want to think of it as being a "fatal" accident. Because he didn't die instantly, the shock element could be tempered more easily.
I think I'm still coming to terms with his loss, in a way, even now. I think we deal with such losses both consciously and subconsciously, in stages, in our own way and in our own time. It was a uniquely tragic situation.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/10/2015 11:59AM by EC83.